I'm a big old gullible fool. I once had a girlfriend who would joke with me and tell me something false and I'd buy it hook line and sinker. I really hated her. Anyway, I've spent my lifetime falling for things and believing in bullshit. Like most kids I believed in Santa Clause, every Christmas was spent worrying about the reactions of my family members when coal would be among my presents. Yes, I was a little asshole. In fact, I think one Christmas my brother actually placed a black rock with the presents and I cried my eyes out. Jerk.
I spent most of the 90's believing the Knicks would win the NBA championship. I know, but I was like 12. Michael Jordan lived to drag me to reality. This sort of belief manifests itself every so often; case in point this past January and the New York Jets. I also used to believe High School was going to be like Saved By the Bell; what a disappointment that turned to be. I mean, I knew I wasn't no Zack Morris (and who is?) but surely it'd still be fun? I suppose it's the first time that I realized TV was a lie. You spent most of your younger years believing in this magic box but it's all bullshit. Even when it's supposed to be "on the level", like the news, it's not and everything coming from it can no longer be taken at face value. It wasn't just the unreality of Saved by The bell that made me come to this decision, it was formed over time, but it's the most memorable.
This doesn't apply to just television, movies are equally guilty. This'll lead me to another belief but I saw JFK by Oliver Stone when I was younger and I loved it. Mostly because, at the time, I was enthralled by President Kennedy AND his death. I remember telling myself I was going to solve it while checking out books about it at the library. So yeah, I believed in a conspiracy. To me, it was obvious Oswald didn't act alone. And I don't think that movie formed that opinion, although it certainly didn't hurt, I know where it came from: my Mother. She was a young girl when he died, so she grew up during the aftermath. Is it any surprise se believed what she did? Most people did, and still do I'm sure.
So I grew up thinking that not only did I know the "truth" about the murder, but that the movie JFK was factual. Fast forward many years later, a little past the birth of the Internet and during it's continued rise, and I become exposed to other world views and "truths". The first to fall was the movie itself; it seems so obvious now, but it never occured to it was heavily fictionalized. And if it wasn't that, things were just outright made up. Then there's all the other info thats out there, the reenactments of the shot, the computer simulations showsing that it was not only possible, but also likely that Oswald could have taken the shots by himself and you have a recipe for my dwindling belief in the conspiracy.
Even now I still struggle with these facts and find myself flip-flopping between beliefs. The most important thing I get out of all that was just how much BS my mother would feed me, things I believed in that I honestly believed until exposure to other people through the 'net/ Things like cracking your knuckles leads to arthritis, wearing my hat will make me bald (okay, maybe that came true), and all the other so-called old-wives tales I'm sure we've all heard a million times.
Did that make her a bad person and a terrible Mother? No, there's plenty of other reasons for that label. Kidding, but seriously: No, of course it doesn't. She was just doing the best she can with what she had. Using knowledge she'd heard and was passing it down. It's not wrong or right, it was just the way it was.
Can't blame her for that.
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